I’m really tired of being a girl. I’m tired of being terrified of getting pregnant. I don’t want kids. I never will. There has to be something better than The Pill. Essure looks nice, but that 2% chance of shit going wrong is scary as hell. Depo sounds nice, too, but again, the side effects sound scary as fuck.

There’s enough fucking technology in the world. Why the fuck is unwanted pregnancy still a thing.

I want to be determined to eat better and eat the food Wayne cooks.

So, if I don’t like something he makes, I am going to refuse myself food unless I eat a full plate of whatever he made. I need to stop snacking anyway, and if I can’t eat better, I might as well not eat at all.

My life is a wreck and there’s not enough time left in the day for me to keep cleaning the house.

I want to cry.

I am incredibly depressed right now. I want to be morally responsible with my money and buy fair trade products, but I’m too broke to do so. I need to buy new work pants and trying to find some online that are fair trade and might actually fit me is difficult. Based on measurements alone, I’m too fat to fit into most clothes. On top of that, Wayne continues to cook dinner for me, trying new recipes that are healthy and I pretty much don’t like any of it. Vegan Mac and Cheese, Taco Jumbo Shell things… I haven’t like any of it. I don’t know why and it makes me feel terrible.

I just might cry.

I kind of want to die.

I think I have pretty much stopped the 30 day fitness challenge, and only a small part of me is bummed out about it. The rest of me doesn’t care. It’s just too fucking hot here in Florida and my A/C can’t keep up with it. Or maybe I’m just telling myself that because I hate moving when it’s hot in the house.

30 Day Fitness Challenges

I’m on day 14 of the Squat Challenge and day 2 of the Crunch Challenge. I’m happy that I am sticking to these routines and I hope in the end, I’ll be stronger, both physically and mentally. I still struggle with eating better but maybe I just need to focus on doing more first.

Finally got around to organizing my phone’s home screen so I never have to flick left or right. I read on Lifehacker it will save some battery, so I’m gonna try this for a while. Even if it doesn’t, I like the way it looks.

Finally got around to organizing my phone’s home screen so I never have to flick left or right. I read on Lifehacker it will save some battery, so I’m gonna try this for a while. Even if it doesn’t, I like the way it looks.

Curse you, Brilliant Earth!! Your rings are so gorgeous and there’s no way I can ever have one. :(

Wayne has become suspicious of my being more affectionate than normal…

*bum bum bum!*

But I’m not going to tell him that I have wedding fever. Why should I? I don’t need it right now and I don’t even know if I’m really serious about it yet. I tend to lose interest in things quickly, but if I want this like I wanted a cat last year, I’ll know if I want this - and therefore will tell Wayne - if I’m still feeling this strongly about marriage in 6-8 months.

Goddamn, I want to get married….